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September 2012

August 2012

Boldness

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I applied to Miss USA…and got in.

If you told me two years ago I’d be getting ready to compete for Miss Colorado USA, I wouldn’t have believed it.

What happened two years ago?

Two years ago, I met a handful of people that lived with boldness. 

Living with boldness means choosing life over fear, belief over doubt, and love over pride. Living in the presence of that kind of bold faith doesn’t permit me to give up on myself, or life, or my dreams. 

"Two years ago, I was afraid of wanting anything. I figured wanting would lead to trying and trying would lead to failure. But now I find I can't stop wanting. I want to surprise myself. I want to be the best person I can be. I want to define myself instead of having others define me. I want to win and have people be happy for me. I want to lose and get over it. I want to not be afraid of the unknown. I want to be generous and big-hearted, the way people have been with me. I want an interesting and surprising life. The possibility that things are going to change…I can't wait."

{Friday Night Lights}

Miss USA is on big stage with bright lights, and there is nothing that terrifies me like public speaking. To get ready, my mentor suggested I start doing announcements at church.

The first time I did announcements at church it was a solid 90 degrees in the 1920’s church we meet in. I sweat through my cardigan by sound check. I have never been so nervous.

This is the part where I tell you I got up there, got through it, and got over the fear.

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It’s still terrifying. My voice still shakes. Standing up there, shaky voice and sweaty palms, I’m reminded of the manifesto I wrote for Miss USA:

“Heroes let others watch as their tears stream, their voices shake, and every day they grow stronger, more passionate, more compassionate, and more terrifically alive.”

Maybe living a life characterized by boldness is a better story than a life lived without fear.

Fear will always be there standing between us and the story we want to write with our lives. The choice to live with boldness will always make up the difference.

Boldness is choosing life over fear every day. Boldness is waking up every morning to work hard and love harder. Boldness is refusing to be stopped on that mission.

Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

Love wins,
Lisamarie


Time & Love

Time is Love Clock Pink

"Hurry is an inner condition that is fear-based."

{James Bryant Smith}

Why do I rush, and hurry, and schedule my life in 15 minute increments?

It's because I'm scared. I'm afraid of not being enough. I'm afraid of missing out. I'm afraid of falling behind. 

A couple years ago, one of my mentors {Jason Malec} said, "Lisamarie, your busyness is not a badge of honor." I remember feeling my throat catch it was so convicting.

Jason loved me enough to speak truth into my life and he changed my perspective that day. It was another year before I actually changed anything about my life. Life change always results from heart change, so it was only after a devastating season that I reordered my priorities.

Who we love, what we're passionate about, and what we believe should determine how we organize our lives.

So why does my planner, my bank account, and my blog not always represent what (and who) I would say matters most?

Writing is both an outlet and a challenge. If I'm harnessing that energy into my job or elsewhere, writing is first to go...which is ironic because I would tell you that it's my dream to write. To be a writer you have to write, simple as that. 

Chasing down what we want for our lives is terrifying. Fear shows itself in my life through busyness. Busyness is the enemy of creativity and a life lived out of love.

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Living a life without margin for what and who we love is like living from paycheck to paycheck. It means we can't order our lives with maturity and foresight. Having no time for what's most important is about as "cool" as buying things we can't afford. They both reveal a fear of insignificance. 

 "Cool" is not scheduling every minute to prove to myself that I'm significant. Cool is being home watching Gossip Girl reruns on netflix when one of my girls drops by for a heart to heart.

I want to be a person with an open life, an open door, and an open heart. I'm convinced that's not possible without first being a person with an open calendar.

One of my favorite authors {Bob Goff} said, "Jesus Christ will never compete for your time or attention, He is always competing for your heart." 

What's competing for your heart? Maybe it's a relationship, a calling, or a life change. I don't know what or who comes to mind for you, but I pray we find the strength for our lives to be a reflection of who and what we love.

Time is love,
Lisamarie